


Holding My Breath

by probablyjosh



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, frienship joshler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:45:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3419849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/probablyjosh/pseuds/probablyjosh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He couldn't stop pacing, the creaking of the hardwood floors would not be heard the voices only drowned it out</p>
            </blockquote>





	Holding My Breath

**Author's Note:**

> my anxiety has been hitting me hard for the past month and i was hoping that writing about my feelings could take some of the weight off my chest.

Tyler shot up, half asleep, and in a split second removed the covers off of his body. He didn't care if he woke up Josh, who had fallen asleep in Tyler's bed after a late night of playing random internet games. Tyler paced the little room between his bed and bedroom door, fanning his shirt and desperately swiping the sweat off his forearms. There was too much of it though. It almost instantly resurfaced, and his palms were clammy so it prevented him from even getting any off. It was horrible, his whole body was drenched. It was like he took a shower in this uncomforting liquid, far from the soothing water that usually fell to his skin.

He barely registered that he wasn't breathing very well, but when he did it felt like he had a head cold. Air wouldn't travel through his nostrils. His lungs wouldn't push out air, and could barely take any in. There was nothing in his lungs. He was dizzy, and his body wouldn't cool down. His thoughts were running a million miles an hour like they had in his sleep. How else would he have woken up? It was dead silent in the house he shared with Josh, and the only conclusion he could come to was that the voices in his head were getting too loud. He subconsciously became nervous, which concludes to the excessive body leak. 

He couldn't stop pacing, the creaking of the hardwood floors would not be heard the voices only drowned it out.

_Don't think._

_Look at what you've become._

_Breathe._

_You're pathetic._

_Cool down._

_You know you hate yourself, how selfish._

_Breathe!_

_End it, end it, end it, end it, end it, end it, end it, end it, end it._

_Breathe!_

The words became more mumbled and louder, frantic pants escaped Tyler's lips. He paced faster, the vibrations in his legs reminding him what is happening is real. He continues to fan his shirt desperately to make the stickiness go away. Tears stream down his face as he gasps loudly for air.

_Breathe!_

_I can't breathe!_

His chest burned with sadness, fear, and self-loathing as it constricted with each pant. It was a sick twisted feeling, it was so consistent it was almost normal to be there, so strong he would want to kill himself. Even the slightest second of contentedness was pure bliss, but so foreign.

His mind was numbing, with  _his_ voice in his head trying to remember the feeling of this pain not being there. His shaking was so frantic it looked as if he were without a coat in the winter of Alaska. 

By now Josh had awoken to Tyler's loud panting. 

"Ty?" He asks while rubbing his eyes. It takes him a second more before realizing what is going on. He rushes to get the sheets off from around his ankles and climbs towards his best friend.

Josh placed a hand on Tyler's neck and began to rub it lightly.

"Tyler, I'm here. Stop panting for a moment, and try with all your might to breathe in." Josh didn't know what to do. At the least he could get Tyler to start breathing semi-normal. 

"Tyler, I'm here." He kept repeating. "Think of tonight, think about how happy you were. Think of what tomorrow will bring, it won't be so bad." Tyler's panting slowed a bit.

Josh was desperate he didn't know what to do. He had to try something.

"T-try and do jumping jacks."

Tyler was gripping onto his hair as he continued to pace, "W-wha," He paused to gasp for air, "What-t?"

"Come on. Just try it."

Tyler shakily tried to get into a decent stance and weakly began moving his arms and legs. He wore himself out quickly and began to breathe heavily as if he ran ten miles. More air allowed itself into his lungs, and he began to breathe normally. The ache in his chest decreased to it minimum, but was still known to be there. Tyler quickly peeled off his shirt leaving him in his boxers.

Josh nodded, "Better?"

Tyler sniffled and nodded, "Better." his voice was weak and broken. His body laid against the cool top of the covers, and he drifted back to sleep slowly.

Josh checked the time. _3:37AM_

He watched Tyler for a moment before making his way to his own room. 

Tyler only woke up once more to pull the covers back over himself.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry i havent posted in so long, ive been busy and stre$$ed hmph.
> 
> basically this all happened to me but i had no one to calm me down, i dont even know how i did. i think i just forced myself to sit on my covers and i fell back asleep because i was so tired.  
> thank go d this only happened once, and i only wake up from nightmares at the same time e v e r y night at the s a m e time to a general theme :) 
> 
> you didnt need to know that but i dont really care anymore


End file.
